Scrolling
How it feels to watch your peers chase their dreams whilst treading the waters of chronic pain
Married at 21 with a kid
the whole village showed
But I never did
Never questioned the Bible
Never slid off the rails
And that envious life?
Well, the colour now pales
Darling homegirl
just got her degree
She’s prettier and younger
than I’ll ever be
In double the debt,
she’ll still struggle for cash
And that piece of paper?
Might as well turn to ash
Singing songs for strangers
Sipping Aperol spritz,
Smile at the camera, cigarette lit
So unhappy, so insecure
And this picture perfect life?
It’s just that and no more
Another ring on a finger
My invite is lost
Somebody changed gender
Or became a big boss
A haircut, a matcha, a new puppy dog
I sit and I scroll and I sob
Were we ever friends or not?
I know the truth is:
We’re all just as clueless!
I know it’s not personal
But as I revolve
I lose my resolve
Fear-filled I fret and I fall
Cos what have I done
That’s worth scrolling on
Maybe I’m better off
gone?
😔 this resonates so much. Sitting on the sidelines watching peers ‘graduate’ to different milestones is such a deep sting. Thanks for putting this into words ❤️🩹
Life is not what gets posted. Its who we are, without a camera. Posting is performance, not life. Comparison. Is a liar.
Having said that, even before the internet, i know what it is like to be a grass tree, watching saplings surpass me, and yes, its painful. For me, it was chronic illness plus many decades of undiagnosed audhd.
I have rarely had chronic physical pain, only months, not years, (decades of mental pain) and my heart goes out to you. Pain is awful. I hope yours resolves and leaves you forever.