Proud to be Disabled?

More proud to be a Swiftie!

Well hello there,

Hang on, inhale….. hold…. exhale…….. okay. As you may or may not know (I didn’t realise until about a week in) July was Disability Pride month. This did not sit well with me. Pride? Isn’t that a sexuality thing? I am not proud to be disabled- it’s annoying… understatement of the century. However, seeing so many wonderful people share their stories encouraged me to think more about it. Okay, so I don’t have to be ‘proud’ in the most immediate sense, I can be proud to be part of the disabled community- wow, what resilient, brave, talented people- who I have been honoured to get to know. Through my disability. This label that took me so long to use. No, I don’t identify with it every day, nor should I have to. But I am proud when I do. I am proud to identify myself with something if it means I am challenging a societal expectation. What more defiant expression against stigma and stereotypes than using the words ‘pride’ and ‘disability’ next to each other? That, that’s something I am proud to be a part of.

On the theme of defying expectations, I am guessing you weren’t expecting a partial analysis of Track 5 from Taylor Swift’s new folklore album. If you know me, perhaps you did expect it… How, how can a Taylor Swift song possibly have anything to do with Disability Pride? Well, Taylor Swift has everything to do with everything if you’re me. She is rather like water. Sure, I could live without her, but not for long.

So. Track 5, ‘my tears ricochet’, is, to me, the perfect summary of living in constant pain and having the world be inaccessible to you. The tears you shed turn into bullets. Crying is not weak but a mark of strength, of how much you have put up with for so long. I have cried many tears this week. I started having seizures again. I was hoping to write to you and share a new podcast episode but that will have to wait now. It’s frustrating. Though I am still waiting for my tears to ricochet, for my body to bounce back, I am proud for not pushing myself to do the impossible, as I did this time last year. I am proud to love Taylor Swift with my entire being. And, I suppose… I am *squirm* proud of being disabled. What are you proud of?

Love, HB x

P.S This isn’t an automated email, I’ll respond if you do :)