Meltdowns
the secret I haven't been keeping
Dearest Swee-tea,
You are cordially invited
I turn 24 in September, and there’ll be a virtual birthday party in the form of a writing workshop hosted by Poetry Orchard, so keep your eyes peeled! If you’d like to celebrate with me, please support Tea with HB with a one-off donation or a monthly membership!
Mental Health Coping Mechanisms
This is not the letter I intended to write, but I think it is the one I needed to… CPTSD feels like some big secret I have been keeping, and it’s really not, I think any armchair psychologist could diagnose me! From medical gaslighting to being in constant pain, it’s not exactly a surprise. It’s not like I haven’t talked about trauma or how difficult I find life sometimes, but it does feel like I don’t give mental illness the same weight that I have learnt to give my ‘physical’ conditions. I am still learning to unlearn the coping mechanisms that I have developed, such as intense self criticism when my mental illnesses flare up. I don’t want to get into the gory details, but I do want to share some resources that I have found useful for anxiety, panic attacks, thought sprials, flashbacks, etc! So, here goes!
A Guide to Neurodivergent Meltdowns - Anyone can have a meltdown. This guide is also helpful for overwhelm, panic attacks and other mental illnesses/neurodiverse conditions, not just ADHD and Autism! This website has lots of other fantastic resources too, so I hope it is of use to you!
Practicing Self Compassion - Now look, we have all heard the old ‘if you wouldn't say that to a friend then don't say it to yourself‘ when being self critical. Unfortunately, this advice is very hard to apply in the moment (I mean of course we would never say that to a friend!) Sometimes, I have found it easier to imagine a younger version of myself, because it helps me reframe the situation in a way that imagining a friend doesn't. This particular technique might not work for you, but I hope that this website has some resources that will!
Boundaries - Whether it is setting a bedtime for yourself, spending less time with someone who makes you feel like crap, pacing yourself, leaving situations that make you uncomfortable, or anything else! Our environments, relationships, and attitude all impact our mental health. Also, BONUS, enforcing healthy boundaries enables other people to feel comfortable creating boundaries with you! Win-win :)
Sleep Hypnosis - I also struggle with anxiety and racing thoughts that can contribute to my other conditions, and whilst meditation has never really worked for me, I do find binaural beats and sleep hypnosis to be helpful sometimes!
Reducing PTSD Nightmares - If you too struggle with nightmares that interfere with your day, you might like this resource! It is not a fail safe, but has definitely helped lots of people including me!
EMDR Therapy - Maybe I will be able to share more on this one day, but in the meantime just know if CBT or other talking therapies have not worked for you, maybe Somatic Therapy will!
Breathing Exercises - Butterfly Breathing, Box Breathing, Alternate Nostril Breathing, I never knew how many things you can help with just breath!!!
Shakti Mat - As with many neurodivergent people, reducing or increasing stimulation can help manage meltdowns, and this mat is not only great for chronic/back pain but also helps my mental health!
Create a Happy Place - This could be a board on Pinterest, a saved album on social media, or an album on your phone of things that make you SMILE! Photos of loved ones, memes that make you chuckle, screenshots of kind texts from friends, cute baby animals, the possibilities are endless!!
How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davies - A compassionate guide to keeping your home functional and finding kindness towards yourself while accomplishing household tasks.
Dopamine Menu - You don’t need to be diagnosed with or identify as being neurodivergent in order for this technique to help you! I find it useful for tuning in with my body as someone with Dyspraxia and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (which affects the WHOLE body including bladder, gut, etc!) because my body doesn’t get the same strength of signal for things like hunger, needing the loo, drinking water etc, as some other bodies! So it is a great tool to remind me to check in with my body! How To Create A Dopamine Menu?
Starters: Short boosts like stretching, dancing, breathing exercises, snacking, looking at your Happy Place Album, or hugging a loved one/pet!
Mains: Things that might take a little more time like journaling, going for a walk, making or eating a comfort meal.
Sides: Activities you can do to make tasks more fun such as listening to music, podcasts, audiobooks, or calling a friend!
Desserts: There’s no such thing as a guilty pleasure! But things like scrolling social media, retail therapy, comfort eating, procrastinating, and other totally natural coping mechanisms can sometimes lead to guilt. Doing these things with intention and/or a time limit, rather than beating yourself up over doing them as a default, can help you feel better about them!
Specials: Rare treats that you might have to build up to/save up for! Examples include going on holiday, concerts, having a fancy dinner or a takeaway!
Please note that your menu might look different and these are just for inspiration! Sometimes getting outside or having a shower is a Special, and brushing your teeth might be a main! We all have different needs and energy levels, so please don’t compare! Let me know if you’d like help creating a low-spoon/chronic illness friendly Dopamine Menu!
Please don’t feel disappointed if something on this list doesn’t work for you, you might try it again on another day when it does! Hopefully there is at least one thing that might be a little helpful. Please share this with a friend or on your socials to normalise talking about mental health, you never know who might need help!
Countless Acts of Love
Here is a poem I wrote in a Poetry Orchard Workshop inspired by… current events? And Taylor Swift’s Iconic song ‘This is Me Trying’
It is much harder to leave the news stories promoting in-fighting, discourse, us-and-them shoved down our throats at any opportunity and search for the good and the kind and the beauty I won't let the atrocious acts fool me There are countless acts of love, truly For every library burnt down, there are thousands of pounds raised For every concert cancelled, there are thousands of voices still singing For every slur spat in hateful saliva, there is someone willing to listen, talk them out of indoctrination or propaganda or brainwashing-- because they are still a believer too. And we may not know exactly why, but I'd like to think it's because we can and so we choose to try.
Thanks for reading!!!
Love,
HB x
August Favourites
☀️ Good News: Spending time with loved ones- and in particular introducing Unstable Unicorns to my aunt, and being introduced to Rummikub!
📚 Book: Read This to Get Smarter: about Race, Class, Gender, Disability, and More by Blair Imani
A good overview/beginner’s guide on issues surrounding marginalised identities and why our attitudes matter so much when it comes to reducing the queerphobia, homophobia, racism, ableism, sexism, and other forms of discrimination that we see in society!
📺 TV: Grey’s Anatomy
🍿 Movie: The Parent Trap
🍜 Recipe: Woon Heng’s Pan Fried Mochi Buns
🖋️ Journal Prompt: What boundaries would make you feel safer?
🎶 Music: Short ‘n’ Sweet by Sabrina Carpenter