Human...kind?!
'Read this' - Xander
Swee-tea,
If you’ve spent any time at all on earth, watching wars on the news, observing troll-filled comment sections online, being gaslit by doctors who were meant to help you, getting bullied at school, or double-crossed in your career, you couldn’t be blamed from coming to a common conclusion: human nature is evil.
This belief is so insidious, it often goes without contradiction. Unless you’re sitting around a dinner table with my brother, Xander.
‘The world is just terrible! Everyone is racist and ableist and sexist, what is even the p-’
‘That’s not true! Read this.’
He thrust a book into my hands that would change my life, cure my depression, be balm to all future cynicism, and lead me to discovering the secret to world peace. In other words, I really think everyone should read this book haha!! Including Xander, who hadn’t actually read it at the time of lending it to me, but has a gift for these kinds of things.
Humankind by Rutger Bregman presents a revolutionary way to live: if we are going to make assumptions about people at all, assume they are good:
To stand up for human goodness is to take a stand against the powers that be. For the powerful, a hopeful view of human nature is downright threatening. Subversive. Seditious. It implies that we're not selfish beasts that need to be reined in, restrained and regulated. It implies that we need a different kind of leadership. A company with intrinsically motivated employees has no need of managers; a democracy with engaged citizens has no need of career politicians.
— Humankind by Rutger Bregman
Alongside ‘humans are evil’ to explain the ways of the world, we have another commonly misunderstood justification: ‘survival of the fittest', which disabled people will be all too familiar with. I wrote about why this isn’t the iron clad evidence for eugenics some people think it is here, so you can imagine my excitement to learn about ‘survival of the friendliest’ in Bregman’s book!
Neanderthals may have been smarter on their own than anyone Homo Sapien, but the sapiens cohabited in larger groups, migrated from one group to another more frequently, and may also have been better imitators. If Neanderthals were a superfast computer, we were an old-fashioned PC- with Wi-Fi. We were slower but better connected.
— Humankind by Rutger Bregman
It is not intelligence, health, or brute strength that is our superpower, but friendliness. Internalised ableism is something we all struggle with every day (disabled or not!) Feeling like a burden, that asking for help is annoying, and needing help is shameful, and embarrassing, and weak. This is not only unpleasant to experience, it is incorrect. It could not be further from the truth! Our ability to connect and help each other, to be kind, is the reason we survive.
However, it is not enough to believe people are kind on an individual level. There must be a cultural shift where we can use this core belief to shape our perspective of humanity, every person, not just those we know, love, and empathise with:
Go ahead and try it: imagine yourself in the shoes of one other person. Now imagine yourself in the shoes of a hundred other people. And a million. How about seven billion? We simply can't do it.
In practical terms, says Professor Bloom, empathy is a hopelessly limited skill. […] Just as empathy misleads us by zooming in on the specific, the news deceives us by zooming in on the exceptional.
One thing is certain: a better world doesn't start with more empathy. If anything, empathy makes us less forgiving, because the more we identify with victims, the more we generalise about our enemies. The bright spotlight we shine on our chosen few makes us blind to the perspective of our adversaries, because everybody else falls outside our view. This is the mechanism that puppy expert Brian Hare talked about - the mechanism that makes us both the friendliest and the cruellest species on the planet. The sad truth is that empathy and xenophobia go hand in hand. They're two sides of the same coin.
— Humankind by Rutger Bregman
The answer to cruelty is compassion. Even for those we don’t agree with. Perhaps especially for them.
Hopefully all this is enough to entice you to read this spectacular book! Thankfully you don’t have to take my word for it— I invited my dear friend Patrick O’Ferrall to share his reflections, as being 67 years my senior with well-seasoned life experience, I felt it would be appropriate!
After nine decades of experiencing the joys and sorrows of family and working life I have just finishing reading this book. I have appreciated the wisdom I have found in it and been pleased to see its more positive view of human nature than you normally find in the media.
It has also encouraged me to stick with the principles I have tried to follow in my life and my beliefs. As I have become older and a bit infirmed I have benefitted greatly from the kindness of strangers on many occasions – kindness shown without any hesitation but given with thought and care in relation to my needs. The author warns about the news as presented in the media and slant in which the stories are written to suit the ethos of the medium concerned.
I was struck by what is written about the importance of dialogue with people who have opposing views to one’s own. Personally I have always tried to engage with such people as a matter of necessity. I commend the ten Rules [this is how Bregman ends his book] to live by as a valuable document which should be pinned on the walls of any home or workplace.
— Patrick O’Ferrall
Thank you so much, Xander, for lending me this brilliant book, and for all the compelling conversations we’ve shared. Love you!
Thank you!
For being here, for reading, for wanting to shape a more compassionate world. If you’d like to meet some kindred spirits, I am running poetry workshops inspired by optimism, food, friendship, and more in November! Whether it’s a one-off donation, or a monthly membership your support for this communi-tea shows me every day that humans are kind!
Love,
HB x
October Favourites
☀️ Good News: So much! Jennie FINALLY watched Heartstopper, Emily taught me some yummy Korean recipes, Xander got me Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life which is a favourite farming game (formerly known as Harvest Moon) from our childhood, and also introduced me to an awe-inspiring National Trust place!
📚 Books!!!
Fiction: Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty A mystery with beautifully drawn characters and great representation of chronic pain!
Non-fiction: So You've Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson A must read for anyone who partakes in social media…
Autobiography: Taste: My Life Through Food by Stanley Tucci A treat for food lovers!
Poetry: Increased Risk by Shannon Lee Barry I wish everyone would read this so that those of us who experience chronic pain could be better understood.
📺 TV: Heartstopper!!! Anyone who has spent any time with me knows I am OBSESSED!!!!!!!!
🍿 Movies: Moonrise Kingdom, What If?, Wicked Little Letters
🍜 Recipe: Sticky Garlic Aubergine by Liz Miu
🖋️ Journal Prompt: What is a core belief you have never questioned?
🎶 Music: The soundtrack to Heartstopper Season 3, duh!