Disabled in Love - May 2022
Hello Sweet Teas!
I truly hope your May was as joy-filled as mine! There are quite a few new faces here since last month, so welcome to the Communi-tea newsletter! I am so glad you're here.
To celebrate our 3 year anniversary, Andrew and I visited Calne, a lovely town near Bath in the South of England. After two fairly dreadful anniversaries in a row (last year I was in A&E, unknowingly on the verge of death, and the year before we were in lockdown!) I cannot begin to tell you how anxious I had been about this holiday. For months beforehand I was worrying that it would be the end of our relationship, that spending a prolonged period of time with me would finally make him realise how difficult I was. This is the lasting impact from being bullied throughout my childhood and teen years. In the back of my head is the fear that I am a burden because of my illnesses, and that those who love me are just waiting for a good moment to leave me.
A few days before we went away, I talked to Andrew about this concern for the hundredth time, and he held me by the shoulders and made a promise 'honey, we are not going to break up because of this holiday.' And he was right, of course, he usually is.
The thing is, there isn't a guide-book for life. But there are whoooole lot of YouTube videos and blogs and books that offer advice on all sorts of situations! Except hardly any of them seem to cover chronic illness and disability... let alone dating with that! As a chronically ill teenager I grew up expecting to be unloveable. This kind of internalised ableism is drilled into us by society, whether it's a non-disabled partner being labeled as a 'hero' by the media for being with someone who is disabled, or romantic movies that kill off the disabled character.
To combat this damaging narrative, we need more media and content that represents a more realistic view of what being disabled in love is actually like... So, Andrew has shared his top tips for dating a disabled person here! If you are disabled and your partner needs some help from someone in a similar position, or if you are that partner, or if you are neither but are curious about what dating is like when one person is constantly ill, please read!
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I have my parents and my brother to thank for setting me the best examples possible of unconditional love. And I am exceptionally grateful to be with Andrew, who has never thought of me as a burden, and has stopped me from thinking I ever was.
May Favourites
☀️ Good News: My anniversary gifts from Andrew, The Baron musical statue from Whisper of the Heart (my favourite movie ever) and the Art from Avatar the Last Airbender book (my favourite TV show ever!) Also Watermelon Iced Tea- I tried it for the first time at this wonderful Filipino Cafe!
🎶 Music: Matilda by Harry Styles from his new album Harry's House is a song inspired by Roald Dahl's protagonist Matilda!
📚 Book: Heartstopper by Alice Oseman
📺 TV: Heartstopper!!! A wholesome, feel good LGBTQIA+ Romance that I cannot recommend highly enough.
🍿Movie: The Cat Returns, Studio Ghibli 'Always believe in yourself. Do this and no matter where you are, you will have nothing to fear' - The Baron
🍜 Food: Mochi Cheesebread by Luiz Hara (Brazillian and Japanese gluten free goodness! The closes thing to a cheese straw I have had since being gf!)
If you'd like to chat about Heartstopper, your favourite Harry Styles song, Studio Ghibli, or anything else, please reply to this email! I love hearing from you.
Hugs,
HB x
