Compound In-stress
crying hurts and I am tired of it
You have probably heard of compound interest, the idea that you can make money by earning interest on interest, which adds up over time. Well, may I introduce you to Compound In-stress. This is a side effect of almost every illness, from brain damage or a spell of poor mental health, to a broken leg or chronic illness… the number one thing you are told is to avoid stress, which happens to be the number one thing you can guarantee more of. Stress is just like interest, the more you get, the more you are likely to get. And I am finding it hard to imagine a future that is better, or even neutral, when I know stress compounds.
Get tickets for my next writing workshop: ‘Romanticise Life with Studio Ghibli’
I have been crying nearly every day since November, the concept of another operation without painkillers hanging over me.
Despite listening to Taylor Swift for almost my entire life, nothing prepared me for the all-consuming horror of heartbreak.
Never mind how horrific life can be without endless hospital appointments, break ups, and chronic pain- across the world, books are being banned, minorities neglected, refugees scapegoated… so much more suffering than we can possibly hope to manage.
John Green’s recent video on empathy really helped me cope this month, and I hope it helps you too.
The only thing that is left when you can’t feel hope for yourself is feeling hope for others. I visited Jane Austen’s House with my mother and read letters between strangers, wishing each other well, sharing favourite colours. I smelt smokey spring air, looked up at the blue sky, and wondered at how so much can co-exist. It is these moments we live for, the shining, good moments amidst the chaos and cruelty. So I’ll try feeling hopeful, and you can hope too, even if it’s not for our own lives… and maybe together, we can create so much hope in the world, that things won’t feel this doomed for much longer.
March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, and plenty of resources can be found on my website, please share as you never know who might be struggling with period or pelvic pain.
An update on my wheelchair.
After months of it not working properly and a number of exhausting hours spent on the phone trying to sort it out, I got a full refund on my Whill Model F. Thank goodness- but as you can imagine, it is hard to feel thankful. I have lost something that was making my life- if only a tiny bit- easier, and the sorrow I feel is compounded by shame and guilt because I fundraised for it. Why did it have to be faulty, when I have seen plenty of other disabled people use Whill wheelchairs with no problems? I am so disappointed. and of course the extra amount of stress has caused multiple flare ups. All I can say is I will continue looking for mobility aids and I am grateful that expense is less of a barrier thanks to the generosity of this community!
April is Poetry month, and I’ll be trying to share writing every day on my instagram, hope to see you there!
☀️ Good News: My brother turned 27!!! I love him, and I am glad he exists.
🎶 Music: Poetry by Dead Men by Sara Bareilles
This song has carried me through the highs and lows of a broken heart. (Spoiler: there aren’t any highs haha)
📚 Book: The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins
I had never read these before- the concept disgusted me as a teen. But now this dystopian series seems more poignant than ever! It is brilliantly written, and a good distraction despite becoming more and more eerily predictive of our future.
📺 TV: Extraordinary Attorney Woo
A sweet and wholesome Korean show. It is a shame the autistic protagonist isn’t played by an autistic actor, but the representation of ableism is pretty spot on.
🍿Movie: Everything Everywhere All At Once
I don’t to say anything at all about this movie except if you haven’t already seen it- watch it as soon as humanly possible. One of the best movies in decades.
🍜 Food: Chicken Noodle Soup, whilst watching Whisper of the Heart
Love always,
HB x